Relationships and Loss in the Book of Ruth

Recently, I filled a gap by teaching a Bible study in Ruth while a women’s Bible study group seeks the woman God has for them to lead them in the Truth of God’s Word. Many have lost a spouse, but many have lost an important loved one in their lives. I’d prayed for the passage and message God had for me to share something valuable with them. Ruth. Share the Book of Ruth. That message hit me with less than a week to prepare. When God gives us something to share with someone, be ready to run with it!

I also spoke with several people while doing book signings. The widows and widowers I met had varied responses to Twice Blessed. One man said he was thrice blessed! Yet, each time I met bitter people. One woman was so angry with God. Yet others were sad, but hopeful over what God had for them. Which one of the people in Ruth would you be?

Dig In

Let’s open up our Bibles—or Bible apps—to Ruth, chapter 1:

Here we find that Naomi, Elimelech, and their two sons had travelled from the Bethlehem area to Moab in search of food they had heard was plentiful there during a famine. I imagine we can all relate after hunting and hoarding necessities during the Pandemic! While in the country, which began from an incestuous union between Lot and his daughters, after fleeing the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, they got him drunk and seduced him to have male heirs. Moab wasn’t considered part of the Jewish community, although they were technically part of the Jewish ancestry. At this time, there was animosity between Moab and the Israelites during the time of the Judges, when Ruth shows up. At some point in their stay, Elimelech died, leaving Naomi in the care of her sons, who had taken wives—Moabite women. But then tragedy struck again—Naomi’s sons died. She and her daughters-in-law clung to each other. But then a famine hit Moab.

Naomi, in her stormy grief bubble, determined to head back to Bethlehem to live near her relatives. As she trudged along in her bitter pain, Orpah and Ruth followed along. Suddenly, likely just outside of town, it occurs to Naomi that Orpah and Ruth would be better off staying in Moab with their families –in their mothers’ houses. So she turns to them and tells them to go back. But these young women wanted to stay with her. This scene speaks volumes about Naomi’s influence on them. Orpah relented after a while, probably hearing the wisdom behind Naomi’s words. But Ruth refused to leave her.

What Ruth says to Naomi is similar to a covenant between two people, without the formalities. Here is her faith conversion in this statement,

¹⁶ But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. ¹⁷ Where you die, I will die, and there will I be buried. May the Lord do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you.” Ruth 1:16-17 ESV

It was bold, determined, and life-changing. So what did Naomi do? She shut up and continued to Bethlehem with Ruth.

These two women had a treacherous trek north from Moab, around the Dead Sea, and then south to Bethlehem, in Judah. There were so many dangers along that rough, hot terrain. Still, the time of the Judges also meant they could encounter dangerous people. After all, “Everyone did what was right in their own eyes.” (Judges 17:6, 21:25) But eventually they arrived and were warmly greeted.

Naomi let them know right away, “Don’t call me Naomi. Call me Mara, for the Lord has dealt bitterly with me.” (Ruth 1:20). Who could blame her when you think about it? Little did she know that life would turn out better for both of them.

So far, we see amazing love between these two women. Naomi mentors Ruth throughout this book. Ruth essentially has taken Naomi as a mother figure in her life. Why didn’t she go home to her mom back in Moab, as Orpah did? Neither one made a wrong decision, but for Ruth, this absolutely changed the course of her life.

Ruth 2

Since they needed food and Ruth could work, Naomi gave her permission to glean in the fields during the barley harvest. As she picked up grain behind the harvesters, she ended up with a God-orchestrated connection. The field where she gleaned belonged to a family member of Elimelech—Boaz, who was a wealthy landowner with many people working for him. This fact proved to be a safe place for her, as well as a place of providence.

Boaz noticed her in the field and asked his men, “Whose is this woman?” Notice he said ‘whose,’ not ‘who.’ She caught his attention. Ruth was keenly aware of her status as a Moabite in Bethlehem, but it didn’t hurt her; it elevated her in Boaz’s eyes. Why? She must have been beautiful, or he might not have been so quick to ask about her. The answers his men gave made a huge impact on him: She is taking care of Naomi, Elimelech’s widow. She had worked hard all day, taking only a short break. She left her home to come to a land foreign to her rather than stay in Moab and leave Naomi to whatever fate awaits older widows. Her reputation was impeccable.

When he approaches Ruth, he tells her to stay in his field, where she would be protected, because he told his men not to touch her. He also let her know she could have water from the well whenever she was thirsty, just get it from his young men who draw water. Essentially, he told her he would keep her safe and provide food for her and Naomi. Surprised by his kindness to her, a Moabitess, she asked why. His answer: her integrity and love for her mother-in-law, shown by coming to a foreign land, spoke well of her. Certainly, Naomi had a big impact on Ruth’s life.

He invited her to eat with the rest of the workers, where she could have enough to eat and take food back to Naomi. Also, she took home an ephah (5-6 gallons) of barley flour. Imagine hauling a five-gallon bucket home several miles away! God blessed these two women abundantly.

Naomi was so surprised at the bounty and protection Ruth received that she asked where she gleaned. “In the fields of Boaz,” Ruth replied. Can you see Naomi’s eyes dance in delight? Boaz was a close relative. Certainly, thoughts swirled in her head!

Boaz welcomed Ruth to continue gleaning through the end of the harvest, but she not only finished the barley harvest; she also worked through the wheat harvest.

Ruth 3 & 4

I will condense these two passages for the sake of our study. Naomi decides to help secure a future for Ruth, who couldn’t do that herself. As you see, Naomi is beginning to see God’s hand in their situation. So she tells Ruth to wash, anoint herself (put on some scented oils), and wear her best clothes. Go to the threshing floor where Boaz and his men would sleep that night. Naomi taught Ruth about a proposal practice different from the Moabite culture. The woman proposing to the man? Yes.

So Ruth did just that. When she got there, she quietly lifted the bottom of Boaz’s blanket and curled up at his feet to sleep. But she startled him around midnight. He discovered Ruth there at his feet. She proposed like this: “Take me under your wing, because you are a close relative.” He could have run her off, or he could have taken advantage of the moment. But he didn’t.

Was he impressed? Absolutely! She didn’t chase after the young men. Although he was indeed a close relative, there was someone else closer. He would approach this matter the next day at the city gate. Boaz protected Ruth’s integrity by not taking advantage of her, but he snuck her out early in the morning. She didn’t try to seduce him. They remained pure.

Stop here a moment. It appears that Boaz isn’t married, even though he is older than the men who worked in his field. Think about how he refers to these men working for him. He is mesmerized by her. But he also has to do what’s right: notify the closer relative that he not only would get Elimelech’s field, but Ruth as his wife. This closer relative was excited about the field, but not about Ruth. It would put his estate in jeopardy. He likely was married. Kids? Possibly. It wasn’t unusual for men to have more than one wife in those days. They exchanged sandals to seal the deal. Boaz, joyful to take Ruth as his wife, announced their marriage at the city gate before the elders who witnessed the transaction.

Here is a beautiful ending: Ruth bore a son, Obed, with Boaz. The sweetest part? Noami is treated much like a mother to Ruth. She was blessed with a grandchild and accepted into their household to be cared for in her old age. Ruth became a part of the godly bloodline of Jesus Christ in this incredible union.

Final Thoughts

Let’s consider these three widows. Orpah wasn’t wrong to go back to her parents’ home. She did the right thing for her. Her family would take her in and help her find a new husband. She was, after all, a Moabitess, and her culture stayed familiar to her.

Naomi was bitter at first, having lost her husband and her sons. What an emotional hit! She did what made sense: go home and spend the rest of her days with her relatives back in Judah. Also, she could free these young women to do what they needed to survive. When Ruth insisted on staying with her and made a faith commitment to accept God as her God, and Naomi’s people as hers, she let her come and mentored her. Nomi went from bitter to blessed.

Ruth must have been deeply affected by the godly love and wisdom Naomi showed her, which is why she didn’t return to her family. She helped by working in fields to feed them both. She followed Naomi’s wise advice, which she couldn’t have known on her own, and became part of the family line of Jesus Christ. Ruth went from despised foreigner to blessed part of Judah.

Boaz’s integrity was perfect. He didn’t take advantage of Ruth when he could have. He didn’t have to accept her in with his workers and feed her and Naomi. Still, he was so impressed with her, protecting her during the time of the Judges when she likely would have been raped numerous times, even killed. He sent food back for Naomi, too. He didn’t accept Ruth and the land without notifying the next in line, but gave the man a chance to accept or reject the offer. Boaz joyfully accepted Ruth—and the land—as his. He married Ruth and took Naomi in to care for her too—blessing Naomi with a grandson!

The closest kinsman—redeemer did what he needed to as well. He was interested in the land, but he didn’t want to compromise his family’s inheritance. Would he have loved Ruth as Boaz did? Likely not because he didn’t witness all of her behavior. We can’t hold that against him in his time and culture.

So if you are a woman, which woman’s sandals would you walk in? Would you go back home and let your family help you find a new husband? Would you be like Naomi and be angry with God for “dealing bitterly with me” and remain unmarried? Would you be like Ruth, who went where God led her, worked hard, and stayed pure until she remarried the man God had for her?

If you are a man, would you be like the kinsman-redeemer and protect the inheritance for your own children, excluding any other children? Or would you be like Boaz, recognizing the beautiful blessing God brought you, and remain pure until you remarry?

And remember, whatever path you choose, would you follow God’s direction for your life?

Many blessings to you!

Charlaine Martin

For more on grief and learning to live and love again, get your copy of Twice Blessed: Learning to Live and Love Again.